Three rules for teenage life

We all know that teenage years can be rough. While the path to adulthood can be a positive road, teaching us many things about ourselves and the world around us, things that challenge our mental health also inevitably arise. However we get there, we all end adolescence very different to how we started it.

Something we know less about, however, is how people tend to perceive those changes and challenges looking back. In new research published in Cogent Psychology, Jane Ogden and colleagues at the University of Surrey take a closer look at these reflections, using personal photos to evoke reflections on participants' past selves, and draw out advice they would give to their younger selves with the benefit of hindsight. The multiple themes they uncover in these reflections not only invoke a sense of nostalgia, but could provide young people with some steer on how to navigate their teenage years.

Participants for this study were 42 university students aged between 20 and 24, all in their final year of study. They were invited to online sessions to complete a 'think aloud' procedure while reflecting on a photo of their teenage self for 10 to 20 minutes. During this time, they were particularly encouraged to talk about what they would say to their younger selves, focusing on concrete lessons they had learned.

After analysing the transcripts of these reflections and snippets of advice, the team pulled out two overarching themes: learning to be patient and accepting change, and paying attention to what matters. They also found three key themes of advice that young adults would give:

Create safe spaces

Many responses focused on actively choosing a social environment that allows you to feel good about yourself, such as surrounding yourself with good people, and letting go of situations that are bad for wellbeing. As one participant, Leila, put it: "You should choose your friends very carefully. Choose people that make you happy, that make time for you and that you enjoy their company of because they're going to be your main support when times get tough."

Participants also talked about the importance of setting boundaries, sharing wisdom such as "don't let people walk all over you... be strong, stand up for yourself," though there was less detail about how that might work in practice.

Try to put things into perspective

Responses fitting the theme of 'looking around and taking perspective' also focused on self-esteem, this time through the lens of not letting labels and social norms limit your own individuality. One participant reflected on earlier beliefs that she had to fit in: "I wish I knew how special [being unique] was."

They also recalled external pressures to lose weight, wear makeup, and fit particular body ideals. In their 20s, however, such concerns seemed less pressing: "Life goes really quickly. And it's too short to be worrying about things that actually really don't matter."

Look inwards and trust yourself

Finally, participants often stressed the importance of listening to your feelings, accepting one's own identity, and taking care of yourself. As one participant reflected, "don't feel like you have to hide that personality away – really express yourself... Make up for lost time and express yourself fully."

Key here, as elsewhere, was the idea of understanding yourself: taking time to reflect on what matters, understanding who you are, and allowing that to guide decisions rather than outside pressures.

Part of this was engaging in self-care routines and prioritising what you need to be happy: "Take care of yourself and build up abilities and systems and routines that will benefit you later in life." 

This study was co-produced with student researchers, adding an extra layer of expertise to the interpretation of the data gathered, and potentially even making participants feel more comfortable and willing to share their personal insights. Hopefully these pearls of wisdom will prove to be helpful not only to young people searching for practical rules for navigating the emotional minefield of growing up, but to those who seek to offer relevant guidance and support to those in that demographic.

Read the paper in full:

Ogden, J., Amel Boukabous, Ford, E., Pedrosa, M., & Clara Roca Pintor. (2024). "Dear younger self…": using a photograph think-aloud method to explore the lessons university students would pass on to their teenage selves. Cogent Psychology, 11(1). https://doi.org/10.1080/23311908.2024.2352204