A 'thank you' really does go a long way

Saying 'thank you' can be powerful — sometimes unexpectedly so. Gratitude can foster greater happiness, which can be particularly impactful in romantic contexts, offering what one study referred to as "a booster shot" for relationships.

Now a new study on gratitude looks at the power of a 'thank you' in a family context. Writing in The Journal of Positive Psychology, the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign team explores gratitude between both parents and children, finding that gratitude doesn't just strengthen relationships between couples, but other family ties, too.

Participants were 593 people aged between 24 and 75, all of whom were parenting at least one child between the ages of 4 and 17 and were in a romantic relationship. At the start of the study, the team looked at perceived gratitude, with participants providing ratings of how appreciated and valued they felt by their partners and their children.

Parents also indicated how distressed they had felt during the last month, how overwhelmed they had felt by their parenting responsibilities, and how satisfied they felt in their relationship. Finally, they answered questions about their children's emotional or behavioural problems and on 'family chaos' — how disorganised or stormy the household generally felt.

The results revealed that women felt much less valued and appreciated by both their romantic partners and older children than men did; other demographic factors did not make much of a difference.

Similar to trends found in previous research, this study also showed that a simple 'thank you' can go a long way in maintaining good relationships and mental health. Here, a sense of being appreciated by romantic partnerships was also associated with higher relationship satisfaction and lower psychological distress (though it did not reduce stress around parenting).

Gratitude from children was also influential, with higher levels of gratitude from both younger and older children being associated with lower parenting stress — though appreciation from older children had more of an impact.

The team note that a longitudinal methodology may provide better insights into the dynamics of gratitude in family settings, such as allowing for tracking of how changes in perceived gratitude affect people over time. They also argue that more precise groupings than 'younger' (4–12 years old) and 'older' (13–18 years old) might provide more interesting insights into how gratitude, and the effects of it, shift with time and growth.

Looking more closely at the effects of gender could also be an interesting avenue for future research. We already know that women often do the lion's share of household tasks, so understanding how appreciation and gratitude (or lack of it) may mitigate some of this pressure.

Read the paper in full:

Barton, A. W., & Gong, Q. (2024). A "Thank You" really would be nice: Perceived gratitude in family relationships. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 1–10. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2024.2365472