Does feeling powerful make us more likely to be unfaithful?

Power dynamics play a central role in shaping our relationships, influencing everything from who we find attractive to how we decide who should do unpleasant tasks. 

According to a new study by Gurit Birnbaum and colleagues, our own sense of power can also profoundly change the way we think about our partners — and even our willingness to stay faithful to them.

Published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, this new work explores the role of power in extradyadic desire – or, more simply put, the desire to cheat on one's partner. It finds that the more powerful we feel, the less we believe our partner brings to the table, which can then increase our interest in other potential matches.

Participants in the first study were 128 heterosexual undergraduates in romantic relationships. Those in the 'power condition' wrote about a time they felt they had control over their partner, while the control group wrote about a typical day as a couple. They then answered questions on how much control or influence they felt they had in their relationship, before writing about a sexual fantasy involving someone other than their partner. The second study used the same initial methods before participants were shown photos of strangers and asked which they would consider as partners.

Results from both studies suggested that how much power we feel we have influences our interest in alternative partners. In the first study, male participants who reflected on times they had control over their partner showed significantly more desire for other partners in their fantasy than those in the control group. For women, there was no such increase. In the second, a heightened sense of power boosted all participants' interest in alternative partners, regardless of gender.

In the next study, 130 participants were asked to describe how power played out in their relationship by recalling events like deciding whose parents to spend the holidays with. Then, they indicated how much they agreed with statements such as "I would be perceived as more desirable than my partner" (the team uses the term 'perceived mate value' to describe this factor). Following this, they took part in a brief task: building a pyramid of plastic wine cups with an attractive confederate of the same gender as their partner. After five minutes of interaction, participants reported how much they were interested in kissing, 'fooling around', and having sex with this other person.

Those who felt more powerful in their relationship rated themselves significantly higher in 'mate value' compared to their partner — and those who thought of themselves as more sexually or romantically valuable also expressed significantly more interest in the confederate. This suggests that those who perceive themselves as more valuable sexually are more likely to desire others outside their primary relationship.

The final study looked at the daily lives of couples to see how these perceptions play out in real relationships. Over the course of several weeks, both members of 123 heterosexual couples provided independent daily reports of perceived relationship power, relationship quality, and relative mate value. They were also asked if they had fantasised about, flirted with, or even had sexual contact with someone other than their partner that day.

Once again, those who perceived themselves as more powerful tended to rate their value as higher than their partner's, which was associated with an increase their likelihood of infidelity. It's important to note that perceived power did not directly cause cheating; instead, according to the team's analyses and modelling, it was the shift in how individuals saw their own worth that triggered increased romantic or sexual interest in others.

As for why this shift occurs, the authors believe that when we feel powerful in a relationship, we become more focused on self-interest and personal gain, which can lead us to neglecting shared goals or commitment to a partner. This shift then increases our desire for new romantic or sexual opportunities — even at the expense of our current relationship.

The study didn't explore wider power inequalities, such as those created by gender or financial disparities, and it would also be interesting to see if the findings apply to non-monogamous relationships where power dynamics may play out differently. A longer-term approach might be interesting to explore, too. If, as the study suggests, even small shifts in power can influence our romantic choices, they may also play a part in their longevity.

Read the paper in full:
Birnbaum, G. E., Yaniv Kanat-Maymon, Kobi Zholtack, Avidan, R., & Reis, H. T. (2024). The Power to Flirt: Power within Romantic Relationships and Its Contribution to Expressions of Extradyadic Desire. Archives of Sexual Behavior. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-024-02997-0

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