Sweet and sour… becoming a qualified psychologist

I was shocked and dismayed when my grandmother, in her later stages of dementia, abruptly failed to recognise her loved ones. How can a disorder make a person forget how to eat or speak? How could she go back in time and remember something that happened 40 years ago, but not what she was told a minute ago? All these questions led to a lot of self-study, which in turn resulted in a passion to learn more about psychological disorders and their impact on lives. Soon after my grandmother died, I changed my career and completed a post-graduation in psychology. 

I started as a mental health professional with an intention to help people in distress. I always thought of it as a rewarding career which would yield professional and personal success. And I was right – it is satisfying to know that you helped someone get the right support, sat with them during their highs and lows and anchored them towards recovery. 

But this journey comes with baggage. Thankfully, you also gain the power of insight, to reflect on what you encounter, both professionally and personally, along this path.

Personal development

Not far into the journey, I started to self-diagnose for various mental health problems every time I faced a challenging situation in life. I was partially convinced that I was depressed when I struggled to get out of bed or eat healthily. I couldn't stop wondering if I had traits of personality disorders every time I experienced a mood swing. I even filled out various psychometric questionnaires to analyse if I had a neurodevelopmental disorder. 

Although none of these perceptions lasted more than a day, I was constantly trying to fit myself in a definitive category. But with experience came at least some enlightenment – the knowledge of a 'mental health continuum'. 

All of us move around and along a spectrum of different mental states. I may be depressed or low one day and feel like I am ready to conquer the world the next day. This does not define a psychological disorder. Perhaps I was tired yesterday, and feel OK today for reasons that might not be related to my mental health at all. I finally realised that a diagnosable psychological disorder is when a person is struggling at the extreme ends of the mental health spectrum, and needs support to navigate between its different phases. 

This understanding gave me newfound empathy towards family and friends. People came to me for support and understanding. However, the downside is that as my profession has made me non-judgemental and empathetic, I perhaps tolerate unpleasant behaviours more than before. This is where I practice self-compassion to ensure I don't get too affected. Think of this as being an emotional bean bag – as I provide comfort and coziness by carrying others' emotional weight, I eventually lose my bounce. It's the constant cycle of learning on the journey to becoming a qualified psychologist that keeps me motivated to fill new beans, get a fresh outlook and be ready for another day. 

Professional rewards

Shortly after graduating I started applying for various mental health roles and managed to secure a mental health support worker role within a few weeks. The continuity of this role helped me grow as I saw the end-end treatment pathways offered by mental health services. 

When I landed my first assistant psychologist job, I was delighted. I saw myself one step closer to my dream and felt ready to start my doctoral training. As I started working on my clinical psychology doctorate application, I imagined sitting in a room with the service users, listening to their challenges and offering techniques to overcome them. Reality was far from this.

I was on clinical related administrative tasks and audits for quite some time, with no access to direct clinical work. Gradually, I started assisting qualified psychologists in psychological assessments and formulations and co-facilitating various group therapies. I worked harder to gain more clinical experience through supervised 1:1 interventions, trainings, CPD and by getting involved in research at work. 

I am still in the process of continually updating my knowledge and developing new skills. To do this, I end up reading and researching on my own time outside of work, which sometimes makes it hard to strike a balance between work and personal life. It feels empowering to fulfil my dream and help people. However, I also feel lonely and stuck at times. The feeling of not having the control over my career progression makes me question my decision. It's an appalling choice I'm faced with – between contesting alongside thousands of aspiring assistant psychologists for an NHS funded doctorate place, or paying a life's worth of money to self-fund. 

I would be lying if I said I hadn't considered other areas of mental health professions with better career progression and opportunities. However, my dedication to become a qualified psychologist never fades. I will not give up. Focus is key, with an emphasis on consistency. This career has taught me to be non-judgemental, open minded, empathetic, ethical, caring and logical, with high standards of professionalism. I will strive hard to take all these transferrable skills into any role I take up in both my professional and personal life. Being an assistant psychologist and aspiring to get a doctorate has its challenges, but if you have the drive and the need for achievement it's a worthwhile ride I would recommend. 

• Akshatha Ganjoor Ashoka is an Assistant Psychologist, Reading Community Mental Health Psychological Therapies, Berkshire Healthcare Foundation NHS Trust.