Life’s rearview mirror
Aruna Sankaranarayanan gives us her thoughts on Daniel Pink's book, 'The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward'.
15 August 2022
In his characteristic jaunty style, Daniel Pink helps us journey through regret, a panhuman emotion that Pink thinks is both misunderstood and mishandled. Pink's exploration is largely based on his own research that includes online surveys of close to 5000 Americans plus an additional 16,000 individuals worldwide, and over 100 mostly virtual interviews. He also draws upon wider findings in psychology and behavioural science to buttress his arguments.
Many people mistakenly believe that regret is a futile emotion. As hankering for a life that could have been doesn't change our reality, the 'anti-regret brigades', as Pink disparagingly refers to them, feel that regret may be dispensed with. Not so, argues Pink, who proposes that regret deserves a privileged place in the pantheon of human emotions because it helps us harness lessons from our past to make more informed decisions in the future.
The most valuable takeaway from Pink's book is his classification of regrets into four categories. Foundation regrets stem from myopic choices mainly regarding health and education that derail us later in life: 'If only I had completed my Master's...' or 'If only I had exercised in my twenties…'. Boldness regrets, on the other hand, revolve around chances we didn't take: Not initiating a romantic partnership with a good friend from college or not quitting your job to found a startup. Moral regrets encompass those times we behave in a manner that is antithetical to our values, like cheating on a spouse. Connection regrets are about relationships that were ruptured or not realised: A son who wishes he had visited his dad more, or a friend who feels the sting of not having kept in touch with her collegemates.
Pink also provides tips and strategies to harness the power of regret in positive ways. By eschewing rumination but embracing self-compassion, we can learn from our past follies and foibles to make more far-sighted and desirable decisions.
Reviewed by Aruna Sankaranarayanan, Psychologist & Author, Zero Limits: Things Every 20-Something Should Know
The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward is written by Daniel H. Pink and published by Canongate Books.
