The late discovered club

I don't know whether autism found me, or I found autism, but I've been on my own self-discovery path for the last few years, in parallel with supporting more and more women in therapy on their own journeys. At 42, the penny finally dropped for me: I had crafted and built an elaborate mask to enable me to live in a world that really wasn't built for my brain, and it had become a heavy survival strategy to maintain.

My own self-discovery was one of the most discombobulating moments in my life… affirming and profound, because it explained so much of what I'd struggled with and why, but I was also in a state of shock. How had I managed to keep this fundamental part of who I am behind a mask for so long? Why had I done that? And why didn't anyone else see my struggles?

The most challenging part has been cataloguing my life through a completely different lens. There's loss as you realise the missed knowledge and opportunities for adaptations that might have resulted in life not feeling so difficult. It's an unravelling like no other and often done in isolation because that type of self-discovery therapeutic support does not exist as a mainstream offer.

Late Discovered autistic women were once undiscovered autistic girls, and our stories and experiences matter, yet they often go unheard. Our societal understanding of autism is largely centred on the narrative we've been fed historically from the autism research on mainly white (cisgender) males, which has systematically failed to explore the inner lived experience of autistic girls and women, resulting in a gender-biased diagnostic criteria and a stereotype to match.

Yet we are experts by experience, with unique lived insights and experiences. We should be at the forefront of person-centred research to help further our understanding; co-designing neurodiverse affirming therapeutic support, and suicide prevention services, along with wider societal psychoeducation into the unique female profile of autism.

I hoped to focus on this in my doctorate in counselling psychology after my MPsych, but I have had to accept that doing my doctorate and having to travel to London from Yorkshire for four years is just too much, not to mention the cost. 'Pre-discovered me' would have shamed myself into doing it, putting on a mask and pushing on through. Late discovered me knows the price I will pay to do that, and it doesn't feel accessible. Let's try another, kinder way of doing this.

So I created the Late Discovered Club instead. I get to reach more women and hear many stories. Maybe I will write a book, instead of a doctoral thesis. One thing I know for sure is that we need to shine a light on those unique human stories. As an early career Psychologist, experienced Psychotherapist and narrative psychology advocate who has been championing women and their stories over the last eight years, along with several years as the resident psychotherapist on live BBC radio, I fiercely believe that our stories can become the lights of hope, with the power to bring about change. A podcast felt like the best way to bring all of that together to be the change.

The aim of the podcast is to give late-discovered autistic women a voice, with self-discovery stories and compassionate conversations. I host it, with behind-the-scenes technical know-how expertise coming from Caty Ava, my eldest daughter. I began by sharing my own late discovery story in episode one, which launched in December 2022. I explored how I got here, why this podcast matters, and included a call to action for the listener to 'be the change', in the hope that other women would follow my lead.

Episode 2 features Caragh McMurtry, an ex-Olympic rower and the founder of Neurodiverse Sport. Caragh talks to me about her late discovered autism, and how she was misdiagnosed as having bipolar disorder during what should have been the peak of her athletic career. She is now focused on 'changing the narrative' around neuroinclusion and neurodiversity in sports. Caragh sees the education and changing perceptions within sports teams and organisations as paramount to neurodivergent athletes gaining the understanding and support they desperately need. She is determined that no other neurodivergent athlete should suffer as she has.

More episodes will be coming every other week throughout 2023, and I'm hopeful that an organisation might want to collaborate to make the podcast sustainable in the long term. I'm determined that self-discovery journey will continue, for me and for others. Since launching I have been inundated with messages and requests from late-discovered women from all walks of life, sharing how much my story had resonated. They finally felt seen and understood. 

Follow the Late Discovered Club Podcast on Apple and Spotify, and find it on Instagram and Twitter.