How ‘nonattachment’ can help you manage the ‘to-do’ list

From the 1960s to the late 1980s, American television networks ran public service announcements reminding parents that they had children, and that they may want think about whether they were home or not. The catchphrase, tested on focus groups and approved for use on national TV, became 'It's 10pm, do you know where your children are?'. These days, such stark reminders have been replaced by Microsoft tasks, calendar alerts, email threads, Teams notes, banners, pop-ups, Alexa, Siri… all to remind us of what is on the 'to-do' list, and 'help' us get it done. 

This 'outsourcing' of mental alertness, of one's own state of mind, is often targeted and marketed. There's an app for everything, and many of them are under the umbrella of mindfulness.

But in the midst of an avalanche of external supports and organisational tools, are we in danger of burying mindfulness in its original form? Research shows that those demonstrating flexible and adaptive operating modes and attitudes of mindfulness tend to fare better (Andres et al., 2021; Querstret et al., 2020). However, there are many ways to cultivate such mindsets including through practices based on the ancient contemplative principle of 'nonattachment'. Might these techniques be better for us, and even more effective at managing that ever-expanding 'to do' list?

Psychological flexibility as a remedy

We may not be able to control what's added to the to-do list, but perhaps we can influence the way we engage with it. Thanks to the work of therapeutic modalities such as acceptance and commitment therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, and dialectical behavioural therapy, there is an evidence-based response to the mounting pressure of daily living: psychological flexibility.

Psychological flexibility entails handling distress or interference by taking action to manage it (e.g. using an emotional regulation strategy, persisting, shifting behaviour, accepting) in a way that supports situational demands and one's own values and goals (Cherry et al., 2021). It's about identifying what is truly important to you, and taking action consistent with those values, even when challenged. 

Psychological flexibility is a kind of superhero in the health and wellness space, offering a wide array of benefits – reductions in anxiety and depression, greater resilience, healthier lifestyle choices, superior chronic pain management, better relationships, enhanced performance at work, higher job satisfaction, and greater overall life satisfaction. Psychological flexibility is also a key indicator of positive outcomes across a variety of domains in life, and appears to be a fundamental attribute of wellbeing and emotional health (Doorley et al., 2020).

However, psychological flexibility is not without limitations, and research shows that too much of it may not be a good thing. Over-flexibility may result in inconsistent decision making and challenges in committing to long term goals (Kashdan & Rottenberg, 2010). Additionally, over-flexibility in thoughts and behaviours can lead to sacrifices in personal boundaries and needs due to trying to adapt to a variety of circumstances (Fletcher & Hayes, 2005). Furthermore, operating against one's own values and goals in this manner can lead to emotional burnout from the constant adaptation needed to respond to high-demand environments (Bond & Bunce, 2003).

Looking East

If psychological flexibility only provides a partial pathway out of the 'to do' list forest, emerging research into ancient wisdom practises, reflecting a sub-field of mindfulness research, may offer another way.

Mindfulness, delivered in its typical western 21st century format, encourages a mental 'muscle building' for attention allocation to improve access to all the best tools our pre-frontal cortex (PFC) has to offer us. Mindfulness practices have us zoom in on the exercises, thoughts and behaviours as they unfold in the present moment, helping us establish self-awareness and perceptual distance.

Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction (Kabat-Zinn, 1990), arguably the most mainstream of mindfulness cultivation courses, is dedicated to the cultivation of mindfulness for stress, pain, and illness management. All eight modules feature practice elements of mental 'muscle building' for the intentional re-harnessing of our own attention. This has shown meaningful results in a variety of applied settings, including clinical contexts. However, 'paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally' (Kabat-Zinn, 1990, p. 4) is not, and was never intended to be, the end goal of mindfulness. In fact, this definition of mindfulness has been dubbed 'first-generation'. 

The 'second-generation' definition maintains the awareness component but acknowledges its psycho-spiritual nature, along with the need to maintain it from one moment to the next (Van Gordon et al. 2015), which makes the muscle building piece rather important. Consistent mindfulness practice can start to automate this maintenance so that less mental energy is consumed by the effort required to access the aforementioned PFC tools in stressful situations.

However, regardless of whether one subscribes to the first- or second-generation model of mindfulness, both approaches appear to advocate 'zooming in', which still seems quite demanding when you put it all together. 'Now I have the to-do list, and I have to maintain moment-to-moment awareness?' How is this even possible? 

The good news is, we may not have to reinvent the wheel.

Nonattachment

In recent years, a more contextually based and inter-disciplinary positioning of mindfulness research has evolved, which appears to be zooming out to understand mindfulness applications on a more macro level. The emergence of compassion-focused therapy, mindfulness-based ecotherapy, and trauma-sensitive mindfulness, which are deeply contextually rooted, reflect the growing complexity and diversity of the field. Through incorporation of cultural and ethical perspectives, neuroscientific and technological integration, and customisable responses to a wide array of unique challenges, this new phase of mindfulness research is reaching forward as much as reaching back, acknowledging the necessity of a more complete picture. This includes wisdom-based principles such as nonattachment.

Nonattachment, the East's answer to the question of how to mitigate the condition of suffering as a part of simply existing, is steadily gaining traction as a focal point in academia (Tremblay & Van Gordon, 2023). Translated from its original Sanskrit, 'Vairagya' (वैराग्य), nonattachment stems from the root words 'Vi' (without) and 'Raga' (attachment or passion). It describes a state of detachment from worldly, external, and material concerns or desires, focusing instead on inner peace and spiritual growth. 

What image does this conjure up for you? Perhaps one of stoics and contemplatives, in cross-legged meditation, self-isolated from the 'real world'. Perhaps that feels inaccessible to those of us living in a modern context of deadlines, deliverables, consumerism, pressure to advance, succeed, heal, grow, do more, do less, speed up, slow down, start a side gig, and answer emails in the shower!

Thankfully, in its journey west, nonattachment has come into the 21st century, evolving definitionally from a noun to something more akin to a verb. It has been contextualised as involving the intentional practices of acceptance, letting go, presence, interconnectedness, and the creation of space between stimuli and response (Tremblay et al., 2024). Mindfulness involves active engagement with the present moment and tools for mental training to nurture clarity, focus, physiological and psychological regulation. Nonattachment involves recognising the transient and objectively neutral nature of events and experiences and deciding to engage with them in a way that acknowledges their existence, but doesn't seek to over-value, avoid, cling, or even judge them – 'C'est la vie'. 

Interestingly, this can initially land as a prescription for disengagement or detachment. 'It's 10pm, do you know where your children are? Have you tried not worrying about it?' When the tone of nonattachment starts to feel a bit more like detachment, we may have ventured back a bit closer to our cross-legged stoic than is helpful for burgeoning Western scholars and Eastern contemplatives alike. 

Understanding nonattachment's meaning and value requires a zoom out before we can zoom back in, which is one of its key distinguishing features from mindfulness. More specifically, nonattachment requires a step back, attuning to the true nature of things, our fundamental interconnectedness, and the transient nature of absolutely everything. Nonattachment takes advantage of the time we spent in the mental muscle-building gym of mindfulness, and creates space between stimulus and response. When we are practicing nonattachment, we are doing the opposite of our imaginary cross-legged stoic friend. This is a critical nuance of understanding nonattachment. Rather than withholding from engaging in events and experiences, nonattachment has us pay attention to the present moment, notice context, understand the ever-changing nature of being alive, and let go of the time and space life already gave us, because there's a new offer (or task) on the table. In other words, nonattachment uses the vehicle of mindfulness to get us closer to the destination of a life free from the tyranny of the to-do list.

Looking forward

Times continue to change, and future generations will need as many tools as possible to combat the pressures they face. At least it seems we have two options to help manage that 'to do' list without a purchase from the app store. 

Psychological flexibility focuses on adaptability to challenges in daily life, i.e., the micro level, and approaches the challenge of the 'to-do' list though an emphasis on personal values, and behavioural change for mental and emotional wellbeing. 

Nonattachment harnesses the benefits of mindfulness to transcend the constraints of self, the ego, desires, expectations and disappointments, and target macro-level existence by attuning to a wider, contextually connected approach to living. Nonattachment takes a step back and asks who the list belongs to in the first place, and why it matters. Nonattachment adds perspective to the list to encourage the acceptance of the items we value, and the letting go of those we do not.

Lindsay Tremblay, MSc., University of Derby. [email protected] 

Dr William Van Gordon

Dr James Elander

References

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Bond, F. W., & Bunce, D. (2003). The role of acceptance and job control in mental health, job satisfaction, and work performance. Journal of Applied Psychology, 88(6), 1057-1067.

Cherry, K. M., Vander Hoeven, E., Patterson, T. S., & Lumley, M. N. (2021). Defining and measuring "psychological flexibility": A narrative scoping review of diverse flexibility and rigidity constructs and perspectives. Clinical psychology review, 84, 101973.

Doorley, J. D., Goodman, F. R., Kelso, K. C., & Kashdan, T. B. (2020). Psychological flexibility: What we know, what we do not know, and what we think we know. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 14(12), 1-11.

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Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. Delacorte Press

Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 865-878

Querstret, D., Morison, L., Dickinson, S., Cropley, M., & John, M. (2020). Mindfulness-based stress reduction and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for psychological health and well-being in nonclinical samples: A systematic review and meta-analysis. International Journal of Stress Management, 27(4), 394.

Tremblay, L., & Van Gordon, W. (2023). Exploring awareness and resistance to nonattachment in relation to mental health: A qualitative study in a UK-based yoga community. European Journal of Mental Health, Advance Online Publication, DOI: 10.5708/EJMH.18.2023.0011

Tremblay, L., Van Gordon W., & Elander, J. (2024). Toward greater clarity in defining and understanding nonattachment. Mindfulness, Advance Online Edition, DOI: 10.1007/s12671-024-02378-7.

Van Gordon, W., Shonin, E., & Griffiths, M. D. (2015). Towards a second-generation of mindfulness-based interventions. Australia and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, 49, 591-593.