Helping young women overcome life’s challenges

Dr Tara Porter comes with a strong track record in the realm of Clinical Psychology, particularly in supporting young women with managing eating disorders. On reading the engaging introduction, I knew my high expectations would be met.

The book speaks in a reassuring yet challenging way directly to girls and young women. Porter levels with her readers from the viewpoint of a seasoned therapist who doesn't seek to point a finger of blame when things don't work out as planned. Porter understands the need for neutrality, compromise and most importantly, solutions.

Porter creates examples of the challenges young women face by weaving her own real-life experiences with fiction. For example, she describes the experiences of one young woman who finds that she is unable to maintain her perfectionist ways at university. Through therapy, she learns to accept good enough without the guilt. Through these colourful stories, Porter guides the reader in showing how to apply the book's advice and resolve problems.

"This is a highly commendable book, with so much to offer the reader both young and old!"

This book gave me plenty of personal points for reflection – both as a woman, having earned my stripes as a teenager, and as a teacher, working with young women on a daily basis. I could suddenly see the different friendship and attachment dynamics playing out in front of me in the classroom and on the playground. The child who plays up, seeking attention, and the child who needs to control their friendships are both depicted in the vignettes.

Greater insight into the sometimes volatile world of female friendships has allowed me to offer better advice to the young women in my care. I can help the girl who feels pushed out of the social circle to recognise how one person is affecting her, and the rest of her social group. Once she can see the insecurities underneath the behaviour, a more understanding friendship can bloom.

I also reflected on how past events shape my present. The chapter on family and attachment caused quite a debate within the family, after I shared the section about different parenting styles with my mum and brother. Suffice to say, it was agreed that my (lucky) brother and I won in the parenting lottery!

Porter's advice is solid, respectful and considerate. This is a highly commendable book, with so much to offer the reader both young and old!

Reviewed by Lucy Hanham MBPsS, Deputy Head (Academic), Thorngrove School.

You don't understand me: The young woman's guide to life is written by Dr Tara Porter and published by Lagom