Fixated, obsessive, unwanted and repeated

This Netflix series was a 'must watch' for me given my continuing interest in understanding stalking: I'm a Forensic Psychologist and Academic, specialising in addressing stalking, and a proud trustee of the Alice Ruggles Trust. I remain fascinated by understanding this destructive and oftentimes devastatingly self-punishing problem behaviour for the person perpetrating it, and the terrifyingly intrusive and psychologically erosive impact it has on victims.

Baby Reindeer is a depiction of 'true events' suffered by Richard Gadd, developed from his award-winning show at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 2016. Richard acts his own story through 'Donny', and both he and Jessica Gunning (Martha) are phenomenal, as are all the cast.

It is good to see the spotlight on stalking that is perpetrated by someone who was not an ex-partner and where there is a male victim, as these two aspects can be overshadowed by stereotypical stalking scenarios. As the series shows, this type of stalking can be particularly unrelenting, intrusive upon others connected to the victim, violent, frightening, and psychologically draining. Sadly, we also see some unhelpful policing responses, a lack of validation and signposting for victim support and advocacy, and a perpetuation of the myth that withheld numbers cannot be linked back to the caller. Possible underlying assumptions and unhelpful reactions related to the victim being male, shown by the police and peers (male), also played out.

The use of digitally-enabled stalking coupled with offline, more proximity seeking stalking, showed how obsessed and fixated Martha was towards Donny. Over a number of years we see how much of her time was consumed by the stalking activities, and how much of Donny's time and life was intruded upon. She was lonely, had no avenues for meaningful occupation of her time, and repeated old stalking behaviours in an attempt to avoid these painful circumstances.

The series also centrally featured other forms of abuse experienced by Donny, such as sexual assault, substance abuse, fear of, and actual rejections, shame, and other post-trauma symptoms. This was a difficult watch but important to turn towards distress and reach out to those affected. An important moment came when Donny's father acknowledged his own abuse as a child as a way to communicate compassion and understanding.

Stalking has been considered a disorder of occupation. It is a communicative behaviour, and it usually concerns two primary people, where one intrudes on the other's life, and often their subjective realities of the events can be experienced in stark contrast.

Stalking is a course of conduct crime as opposed to being defined by a particular act or checklist of specific actions, and it is a problem behaviour rather than a mental illness. People will stalk for various reasons and within a variety of contexts. Martha's journey shows the gratification she gained from creating the connection with Donny and the fantasies of the depth of that connection, whilst failing to correctly interpret the actual situation and reading the social cues, and sometimes blunt communication, related to how Donny was feeling about it. It shows how truth is subjective. You could easily notice her vulnerabilities, and his, which might provide contextual aspects drawing her towards this behaviour to maintain connection in her social world.

Without giving away the plot too much, Donny is seen to take pity and showed kindness on one occasion to Martha, in quite an odd first meeting. Kindness costs nothing? Rarely, unfortunately it can cost so much if it is misinterpreted like this was. This is not an unfamiliar scenario in the field I work in, and I see people who are experiencing social and psychological decline move gradually or sometimes quickly from slightly unnerving and overfamiliar behaviours (which can be overlooked as appearing to be lacking intent to harm), into the realms of criminal behaviour which may or may not be physically harmful, but will always cause psychological harm. Martha's behaviour towards Donny certainly rang true with the police and crown prosecution service mnemonic FOUR: Fixated, Obsessive, Unwanted and Repeated.

Ultimately, this is a 'true story' of distress, disconnection and at times self-destruction. It can be easy to forget that there are real people involved and real people experiencing stalking (from both sides) every single day. Preventative policing and improved societal awareness and health/social care responses will make a difference to the lives of those being stalked and those doing the stalking.

If you believe you may be being stalked, please reach out for help. You can report stalking to the Police by calling 101 or 999 in an emergency situation and the national stalking helpline on 0808 802 0300 or via www.suzylamplugh.org. Find out more about the work of the Alice Ruggles Trust.

• Dr Rachael Wheatley is a chartered member of the British Psychological Society, full member of the Division of Forensic Psychology, and a HCPC registered practitioner psychologist, based at the university of Derby. She co-authored a BPS resource, Working with individuals who have engaged in stalking.