Aunties to the rescue

They say it takes a village to raise a child. Yet the transition to adulthood – the period between, say, 18 and 25 – is not easy. Young people still need a lot of support while they are learning to become independent, in a perhaps increasingly volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous world. How can our young people negotiate their different identities whilst maintaining healthy relationships with their families and communities? According to the delightful BBC programme 'The Bradford Aunties', the answer to all these pressing question is: aunties! 

Aunties, in this context, are not biological aunties, i.e. the sister of your Mother of Father; rather, they're what I would call 'community aunties'. These Asian women are relatively older and wiser, with the time and inclination to advise young people and help to preserve traditional customs. I was keen to learn more about them: although my biological aunties have saved me many times over, I hadn't come across the idea of community aunties in Greece. I wonder about the causes and consequences of these cultural differences, as well as how community aunts may bring opportunities for young people to negotiate their identities and boundaries over and above biological aunts. 

The three aunties in the documentary – Tahera, Rubina, Ghazala – felt that the South Asian youth were not interested in their culture. They were in for a surprise; a young medical student and others were filmed throwing some nifty dance moves dressed in traditional clothes, and the aunties also learned that young people have a lot to teach them too. They needed to be listened to, rather than just expected to conform to traditional values without questioning them. 

Thankfully the aunties were kind, willing to help and ready to listen and learn from the youth. We soon saw them forming meaningful relationships with those participating in the project. I was struck by Jessica, the young dual heritage woman who asked an auntie to teach her poem about mother/daughter relationship in Punjabi, which she recited to everyone in the legendary final coach trip to Blackpool, including her Mum. For me this is another example of how storied translation can bring people and identities together in a positive way, and the ability of poetry to speak straight to emotions and enhance empathetic learning. 

The relationship between aunts and nieces/nephews is very interesting psychologically. As Kareem Khabchabati suggests , the 'aunty knows she is peripheral to hegemonic structures and does her best work at their edges'. Brandon Robinson and colleagues suggested that aunties tend to 'provide consistent loving and affirming support', as an 'essential part of the support system'; they are sometimes even seen supporting young people reject traditional structures that are imposed within the nuclear family.  Aunts tend to have a more relaxed and compassionate relationships with young people, I guess partly because they don't usually have to deal with the everyday practical challenges that often overwhelm the mother/child relationship. This lightness to the relationship was reflected in the plentiful of giggles and humour in the programme and highlighted by cheeky music.

It's not all fun and games though; there were some aspects of traditional life and aunthood that the young people objected to. The auntie can be a conservative figure that represents and guards patriarchal values and customs such as arranged marriage, and this is something that has been noted in the scholarly literature too. This was something that one of the young people, Kainaat, highlighted. She had gone a divorce due to domestic abuse and had a negative experience with aunties before she joined the programme, as they were very judgmental about her choices. Kainaat made it clear that, although she was a very proud Pakistani, she wanted some aspects of the culture and habits to change; for example, she wanted divorce not to be frowned upon. This brings to mind Khubchandani's observation of this duality of the aunt/youth relationship, where whilst African young women appreciate the support and importance of aunties, they rejected the shame, discipline and surveillance often inflicted on them by these aunties. 

Apart from an initial hiccup, the Bradford aunties responded well to Kainaat's suggestions. One aunty said 'I wish I had been there to help her', rather than suggesting that Kainaat was 'wrong' in any way. It was wonderful to see Kainaat becoming more and more happy and relaxed as the programme went on! Several aunties said they wished they hadn't been forced to marry that young, and I wonder if Kainaat and the other young people might have created a space where the aunties felt it was acceptable to admit that. 

Speaking from a self-determination theory point of view, the young people were able to feel a sense of connectedness and belongingness with the aunties and the South Asian culture, to affirm their autonomy as to what parts of the two cultures they accepted, and to enhance competence through the skills they both learned and taught. Satisfying these psychological needs can lead to more self-determined behaviours and enhance well-being – I think this programme was a great example of this. 

Another scene I loved was the conversation between the medical student and one of the aunties. The auntie – an incredibly talented seamstress and teacher – revealed that she had wanted to study medicine when she was young, and that she regretted that she was instead married off. The young medical student reflected that she appreciated her degree even more after hearing that, and all the opportunities she was given. As a university lecturer, it was wonderful to see a student be given extra motivation and appreciation for their studies. I always worry about our young undergraduate students; I am glad that universities put in place things like personal tutoring, so that academics can provide more personalised support, but in my experience they cannot cover or solve everything. Having the community approving study at university is very meaningful and valuable, and allows students to comfortably inhabit both cultural spaces and feel a cultural continuity of sorts. 

What about academic staff? Wouldn't we appreciate some aunty support? Very much so, and I think we should be appreciative of the 'academic aunties' podcast, which discusses coping strategies for academics (especially those of underrepresented backgrounds) in today's neoliberal academic world. Again, the notion of auntie creates a supportive space where identities are negotiated and skills are taught. It's a space to be heard and be supported. 

The 'Bradford aunties' documentary also brought to mind the movie 'Saving Mr Banks', which includes a description of Mary Poppins' author P. L. Travers's life. It is thought that Travers based Mary Poppins on the great aunt who tried to help the rather dysfunctional family when the father became terminally ill, and I can certainly see elements of aunthood in Mary Poppins. This reminded me of Khubchandani's observation that 'the aunty steps in where society does not provide. She is not only an object of familial affection in her private circle, but also a crucial source of support in a faulty infrastructure and in times of crisis her unpaid labour may be what keeps the whole system going'. 

Finally, The Bradford aunties also reminded me of a wonderful charity called 'Kissing it better'. This organisation, spearheaded by Jill Fraser, asks young people to converse, organise activities and keep company to older people, in a jovial and creative way. I joined the online meetings a couple of times and I was struck again by the positive atmosphere, the encouragement, and the use of creativity and art to bond and teach skills across the generations. 

So, The Bradford Aunties is a worth a watch, for the attitudes of compassion, and willingness to listen to, communicate with, and help others. In these dark times, I try to stay positive and focus on the fact that as long as there are kind and well-meaning aunties in the world, biological or otherwise, there is hope.