ADHD and me

Since I was 14-years-old I knew I wanted to have a career in Psychology. I also knew that my brain was not the same as other people that I grew up with.

It became apparent to me in secondary school that I was different from some of the other students. My mind would wander in lessons. I would try so hard to focus on the teacher, yet the harder I focused the less likely it was that I would actually hear what they were saying. Instead, I would just hear myself saying 'focus, listen to the teacher'. Couple this with the restless limbs and the high levels of anxiety that I felt, it made it difficult to take in information.

I also struggled with physical touch and socialising, which made the whole mainstream school experience feel abnormal for me. I left school after sixth form with fairly average results, and I thought that this was all that I could achieve. I was very low in confidence, and I truly believed that I was just stupid.

Flash forward 16 years and I am now a 30-year-old mum of two toddlers and I have been officially diagnosed with ADHD. Finally it all makes sense! It isn't that I'm broken, useless, lazy or stupid. I just need to be aware of my brain's differences and work in a way that makes sense to me. I started my Psychology degree with The Open University and it offered me the flexibility and time that I needed to learn how to learn with what I affectionately call my neuro-spicy brain.

The first few months were difficult as I tried to study in the 'typical' way of reading and regurgitating information onto a page of notes. That is not what my brain is born to do – an ADHD brain needs more stimulation and more regular breaks. I also have a superpower… I can read and take in information extremely quickly which is a benefit of my overactive brain.

I've found that what I thought was a weakness has actually become a strength in the right learning environment. Yes, my mind still wanders, but because I study from home and I'm not forced to sit through lectures or structured hours of study like a typical University I can study at the times that my brain is 'switched on' to learning. If I feel mental fatigue I take a brain break or I listen to music to increase my dopamine and power through my workload.

Studying Psychology has given me more insight into my ADHD. I have learnt about executive dysfunction – when you have problems with your executive functioning skills, such as planning, organising and attention to detail. I have also learnt that the ADHD brain can have physiological differences, including having smaller volume than a neurotypical brain. People with ADHD also have been found to have less dopamine. What I've taken from this is that the mood swings and anxiety aren't my fault, and I have subsequently grown in confidence in my psychological studies.

So, my ADHD does not stop me from realising my dream. But what does hinder neurodivergent people's experiences are the environments that we are learning and working in, which are still largely set up for neurotypicals. With the increase in diagnoses of neurodevelopmental disorders such as ADHD and ASD, this should not be the case. There needs to be the space and the procedures in place for all of us to thrive.

The difference in my experiences of learning in secondary school and now have been astronomical. I feel a confidence that I didn't have before because I have knowledge, understanding and ultimately acceptance that I can't learn in a typical way but that doesn't mean I can't learn at all. I am entering into the final year of my degree in September, and I am hoping to continue studying to become a Clinical Psychologist. The sky is the limit for my ADHD and me.