One on One with US based Psychotherapist Ben Behnen

Can you tell me a bit about your background and journey into psychology and psychotherapy and what inspired you to pursue this as a career path?

I've played the role of helper and listener ever since I was child, so continuing that role as my career path felt natural. I studied psychology in college and immediately attended a marriage and family therapy (MFT) graduate program afterward. I find great meaning in being there for others, but I've also realised how intertwined my identity has been in helping and the toll that takes on me.

So part of what inspired me to become a therapist was an internalised expectation that this is what I should do. That's now transforming into a healthier dynamic based more on what excites me and protected by my own boundaries and limits. 

You trained as a Marriage and Family Therapist; can you tell me a bit about what your training entailed?

My graduate program was three years long. Two of those years were dedicated to learning in a cohort, meaning I learned alongside the same classmates for the entirety of the program. The final year was dedicated to our practicum. It was our responsibility to find a practicum site, apply and be accepted, and then start seeing clients.

My practicum was in a group practice and I started seeing clients on my own immediately. This was nerve wracking but also helpful as I got used to seeing them on my own quickly. 

Why this area?

I typically see four to five clients in a day with no more than two back-to-back. I'm also preparing for the MFT national exam so I'll try to study an hour a day. 

MFT is based on systems theory which conceptualises health and well-being based on the variety of systems we're embedded in - relationships, family, community, country etc. This conceptualization fit naturally with how I already thought about the world. 

I also wanted the flexibility to work with more than one person in the room i.e. couples and families. 

What does your role involve and what does a typical day at work look like for you?

My role primarily consists of seeing clients but also includes administrative work. Typically I'll start my day by checking who is on my schedule and jot a couple of notes down for what we might discuss. I'll then finish up any progress notes I didn't finish the day before and respond to emails. 

I typically see four to five clients in a day with no more than two back to back. I'm also preparing for the MFT national exam so I'll try to study an hour a day. 

What do you most enjoy about your job?

There's a certain flow you get in with clients who are really engaged with the work that is so energising and exciting. It feels like true collaboration and exploration. I see clarity and hope take the place of confusion and hopelessness in my clients and that means the world to me. It's sacred space to share.

What do you find most challenging about your job?

Most of the challenge right now is internal. I'm finding myself pressed against these lofty expectations I have for myself and it's really uncomfortable. There's many moments where I'm doubting myself, questioning my choices, and wondering if I've made a mistake by becoming a therapist. 

It feels like intense growing pains. But part of that is exciting, too, because I know it's necessary growth. And not just professional growth, but personal growth as well. 

Tell me about the 'Theragrowth' community and newsletter that you curated?

I burned out last year. It was scary and exhausting and I almost quit being a therapist. From that, though, I've reconnected with my love for writing and found a new desire to help beginning therapists who may be struggling like I did. 

Theragrowth, then, is my bi-weekly newsletter where I write to help beginning therapists grow in confidence and craft. I also host a community on Twitter where I try to create a space for beginning therapists to connect, grow, and support each other. 

Can you share a piece of work or research that has really changed or shaped your practice?

I practice Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) primarily. The best resource I have found in understanding and developing my own practice of the theory has to be Dr. Sue Johnson's Attachment Theory in Practice. I consider it the EFT bible and it is something I constantly reference.

What advice would you give to others that may be interested in pursuing a Marriage and Family Therapist?

I'd suggest you talk with other marriage and family therapists about their work. Most will be willing to give a half hour of their time and give an informational interview. Ask about the challenges they face, what they find meaningful, and what they wished they knew at your stage.

It's also important to know that you want to work with couples and families. In order to get your licence you typically need to see a certain number of "relational clients" (i.e. couples and families). This can be really difficult if you realise down the road that you actually don't enjoy working with couples and families. 

Fauzia Khan is an Assistant Psychologist currently working within the NHS, whilst completing her Doctorate in Counselling Psychology. Follow Fauzia and Ben on Twitter.