Students of kindness

It's been a big year for kindness. In 2023, on the back of a huge public science project called the Kindness Test in conjunction with BBC Radio 4, a team led by Professor Robin Banerjee oversaw the founding of the Centre for Research on Kindness at the University of Sussex. New cohorts of students are studying modules on the science and the psychological benefits, for individuals and society, of being kind.

Before Christmas we shared some insights from Professor Banerjee on the importance of kindness during the holiday season. He spoke of "paradox of kindness" – the experience of doing something to be kind to someone else, but actually benefiting ourselves from the experience.

A new module

The insights don't stop with Professor Banerjee, though. Senior lecturer at the Centre, Dr Gillian Sandstrom, has been teaching a new module called Social Connection and Disconnection to final year psychology undergraduates. During the final class session, she challenged the students to use everything that they had learned to provide advice regarding loneliness during the winter season. Dr Sandstrom explains:

"It's a new final year optional module that I designed to highlight the importance of social connection (for both our psychological and physical well-being) and teach students about all the different ways there are to fill our social needs. Loneliness is at the heart of this module: understanding what causes loneliness, how we can get into a negative cycle of maladaptive thinking, and how we might be able to break out of it.

"The module involved weekly homework/reflection exercises, in which students were asked to do things like talk to a stranger, write a gratitude letter to someone who made them feel a sense of belonging, and reflect on a time that they excluded someone (and what they might do differently next time).

"Importantly, it also involved lots of small group discussions, which helped students realise that their classmates often share their fears and experiences: they are also apprehensive about talking to strangers, they also feel lonely sometimes."

Practical advice from the students of kindness

During Dr Sandstrom's session, students were asked the following questions: What can people do if they feel lonely? If you know someone who is at risk of loneliness, what can you do to help?

Here are some of their top practical takeaways:

Volunteering

Volunteer in your local community to connect with others who have nobody, especially over holiday and winter periods. This can reduce loneliness as research shows that both parties (the volunteers and the recipients) experience more positive emotions. Research from The Kindness Test found that after doing an act of kindness (such as volunteering) people felt connected, which suggests that volunteering could reduce loneliness and help you to feel socially connected.

The personal touch: a few suggestions for helping others who might be at risk of loneliness

• Check in on someone who is at risk of loneliness, and invite them out to involve them in social gatherings.
• Use social media to connect / reach out with people who cannot be there in person.
• Bake cookies and hand them out to people in your neighbourhood - connecting through comfort food can fulfil the need to belong.

A few suggestions if you're the one who feels lonely

• Reminders of others - reflect on memories through looking at photographs or reminiscing on times with a specific person.
• Actively take part in social events yourself
• If you don't feel comfortable or cannot attend face to face events then another activity could be to prioritise yourself.

One student group said:

"We misestimate how much offering help will be positively received, and underestimate the impact that a small act of kindness can have on others. Therefore, one act of kindness could be writing a gratitude letter to let someone know how much you appreciate them. Focus on how the other person would feel receiving the letter, rather than how well you can communicate your gratitude."

Talking to a stranger

Talking to strangers seems daunting to most people. However, research shows that there are many benefits that come from talking to strangers (for you and others!). For example, increased life satisfaction, learning new things and feeling connected.

Here are some tips to make talking to strangers easier:

1. Find something in common (this could be situational e.g. about a place)
2. Wear something that could start a conversation.
3. Be brave! People like you more than you think. (Learn more about 'the liking gap' with this piece from Emma Young.)

Find out more about Dr Sandstrom's own research into talking to strangers in her article in the Psychologist and this podcast interview she did for the BPS Research Digest.