The response of a nation and admiration for a leader - a steadfast and manageable grief?

Following the Queen's death, there has been an outpouring of collective grief from many. However, for many this experience of collective grief feels both calm and peaceful, not complex or overwhelming. Perhaps palpably different to other situations where it is sudden and unexpected. The Queen lived to 96, she died with her family and was able to embrace her independence and clarity of mind close to her death. It feels like a 'good death' in so many ways. 

The Platinum Jubilee this year felt like an opportunity to host a 'living funeral' an opportunity for the Queen to hear the thanks and gratitude. Her death has sparked a sense of belonging, and a desire for so many to come together and show their respects in simple slow mourning rituals that feel remarkably safe and useful in our busy world. There is something very beautiful, graceful and comforting about slow, well traditional prepared rituals. People are finding comfort in threading their connections with the Queen and remembering their unique stories and experiences. Many of these stories locate back to their own family lives and experience of loss. 

Of course not everyone wants to belong to the national outpouring of grief and mourning, some people feel conflicted at the disruption to essential services. Equally, it can be hard when something seismic in your life coincides with a huge national event like this and it's important to remember that everyone deals with grief in their own way. 

A year ago I was invited to write a book for children and young people trying to make sense of grief, (You Will Be Okay - find strength, stay hopeful and get to grips with grief). I am passionate about supporting and educating children about grief, and this experience of collective mourning feels like an opportunity to educate children about death in a very safe way. Andrew Marr's outrage at referring to 'passing on' instead of using the words the Queen has died were heard and a clarity of message has left it possible to include children.

As part of the evaluation of the Queens's life and contribution many have been reflecting on the Queen as a leader in a way that perhaps they haven't before. Of course she was in a unique position and her style of leadership evolved over the 70 years she reigned. They say a great leader can absorb pressure, transmit clarity and give confidence to their people that they can succeed. Against these criteria, the Queen appeared to deliver. She also showed consistency and humility and capacity to reconcile. Although her expression of emotion was carefully regulated - her non-verbal skills and particularly her smile created a particular brand of warmth and strength that people respected and liked.

Of course there will naturally be differing views about the way this last week has played out – for many in the UK they have embraced the opportunity to celebrate a life while allowing space for a nation to make sense of it all through their own lens. As I say to leaders in business settings - 'good endings make way for better beginnings'. This is a good ending…and for once the grief is, for the vast majority, reasonably manageable.

Julie is an Associate Fellow of the BPS, with a background in clinical and health psychology. She founded the charity Winston's Wish - which is now over 25 years old and a leading service for bereaved children in the UK. She has written a book on how to help children manage grief and is an Executive Coach at the Preston Associates.